I had a dream about a bangin' universe of bananas.
Apparently in an alternate universe, I was a university professor at MIT. The university campus had strange yellow, curvy buildings, and I was on my way to give a lecture.
Walking beside me was one of my students, Reese Witherspoon, who was wearing a pink sun dress. As we walked, she was telling me about her education. She said she was going to Harvard, but was taking a few science courses at MIT, which would be transferred to Harvard for credit.
Reese was looking gorgeous in her pink sun dress, and she had long bangs. Apparently we were lovers, because I kissed her long and sensuously before we entered the strange yellow and curvy lecture hall. As we kissed, some random faceless onlooker stared at us from a distance and ran away.
The lecture hall was enormous, with a giant LCD screen at the front. As I prepared to give my presentation, a couple hundred students poured in.
Today's lecture would be about the "Banana Bang Theory," which went something like this:
The universe came into existence through a colossal burst of a bunch of bananas. This was triggered by a "potassium punch," which led to the splitting of bananas.
The banana split led to more splits. These subsequent splits led to the fostering of bananas, forming the cosmos. The bananas foster was flambéed, forming stars and planets.
At the moment of the banana bang, new compounds were also formed, which aided in the evolution of everything. This theory supports the idea that our deep attraction and need to bang those with bangs is because bangs are similarly shaped like bananas.
"It's the potassium pounding principle," I said, trying to keep a straight face.
MIC DROP!
The echo of the mic drop reverberated throughout the room, and my lecture was concluded. The students had been taking notes, and I announced that there would be an exam administered during the next class meeting.
Reese came up to me as everyone was leaving, and I ran my fingers through her bangs, kissing her on the forehead. "I'll see you tonight," she said in a flirty tone.
As I was leaving the building, a couple campus security guards came up to me, and said they were there to escort me to the Dean's office. Great. What did I do this time?
~~~~~~~~
The Dean resembled that of an Italian mafia boss, as he sat there in a giant yellow leather chair smoking a banana-cigar.
"It's come to my attention that you're bangin' your students?" he said in a deep voice, with an intense stare.
I paused. I didn't want to lie. "Umm... yes, one of my students is also my lover," I said with a squeak.
Dean's gaze was intense. For a moment, he seemed deep in thought. "Good. Good," he finally said. "I just wanted to make sure you're doing your job. You're free to go."
Relieved, I went about my business, excited to go see Reese and ready to do some potassium pounding.
Then I woke up. THE END.