I was living on campus at a large prestigious university, where I was a professor of philosophy and folklore. I was in a lecture hall giving a lesson about water nymph mythology, and there were a few famous people there as students. In the front row sat Reese Witherspoon, dressed in a hot pink outfit, smiling at me radiantly as I spoke.
After the lecture, Reese came up to me and told me about a local legend of a water fairy named "Ilayda" that lived in a nearby lake. Being relatively new to the area, I had not heard of this mythical creature, and I grew intrigued. Reese gave me a hug and said she had to get to her law school lecture.
Fascinated by the idea that an actual water fairy existed nearby, I wanted to do some research and decided to capture the water fairy for academic study and scrutiny. I went to see my lover, Bekah, who was a Professor of Botany. She was likely giving a lecture in the Biology & Botany Building, so I rode my bike across campus.
I went up to the 3rd floor, and found the lecture hall. I entered quietly and sat in the very back, so I wouldn't be a distraction. I noticed that it was all women in the class, and I saw Bekah wearing thick glasses with black frames and holding a bouquet of roses up to her chest. She was giving a presentation called "Bosoms & Blossoms", and she was illustrating to the class "how to captivate men in order to make them fall in love with you by using your bosom and blossoms to your advantage."
Captivated by Bekah's blossoming bosom presentation, I wanted to bang her right then and there. I remained patient, however, and waited until the lecture was over and everyone had left. Both of us horny, we went into a broom closet and banged each other's brains out, breaking broom sticks as we bustled and bounced about in the tight space.
We glowed as we emerged from the closet, and I told her about the legend of Ilayda. We devised a plan of action for the capture and study of the fairy, and that Bekah's sister Kat could help. It occurred to me that I had never met Kat before, so I asked why. Bekah explained that sinister forces were keeping all of us apart because they were threatened by our love. I had seen Kat around campus a number of times, and I had a huge crush on her, and Bekah knew this and wanted to share me with her, but couldn't because of hatred by unseen forces. I asked what Kat did for a living, and Bekah told me that her sister was a Professor of Raptor Rescue, and that she was presently working toward a Doctorate in Veterinary Medicine.
We agreed that, before capturing Ilayda, we needed to know more about the legend. Bekah said that she had a "Booty & Blossoms" lecture to give next, so I decided to go to the campus library to do research.
As I left the building, I spotted Kat in the crowd carrying textbooks and wearing thick glasses with black frames. It felt like destiny, so I tried to push through the crowd to catch up to her. However, the crowd seemed to manipulate and push us further apart, and eventually, I lost sight of her and couldn't find her.
I made my way to the campus library, where I found books and essays on local myths and legends. After spending hours scouring the resources for information on Ilayda, I came up with very little on the mysterious creature. Just as I was about to leave the library, I spotted Kat sitting at a table, intently studying. I decided to discreetly "study" her, from afar.
Being a total nerdy stalkerish weirdo, I hid behind nearby bookshelves, peering around the corners and through cracks in the bookshelves, in hopes she wouldn't notice me. She glanced up a few times, obviously seeing me as she peered over the top of her glasses. Every time she did so, I dodged around a corner and pretended to be reading the nearest book I could find.
I finally mustered up enough courage, and went and sat next to her at the table. I introduced myself, but she already knew who I was, and it was evident that we had mutual feelings for each other and we had both been anticipating meeting each other for some time. I explained that her sister and I were planning on capturing a water fairy, and we were hoping she could join us on this shenanigan.
Kat said that she wasn't allowed, and she started to cry, and I did too. It felt like destiny that we were meant to be together, but injustice and hatred persisted in prevalence, keeping us apart. I said that I hoped, one day, we could all live free, together.
Feeling unseen hateful eyes watching me, I left the library and went back to Bekah's lecture hall, where she was finishing up her "Booty & Blossoms" lecture. I said that I had met her sister, but didn't find out much about the water fairy. We went back to her apartment where she had a fish net hoop that we could use to capture Ilayda.
We went to the mythical lake, where we waited for Ilayda to appear. We both thought Ilayda was a small fairy, one that could fit into our little fish net. We were wrong. A young brunette woman in a white gown appeared out of the water, hovering above it, staring at us. Her wings were made of light, and there were small sharks swimming in the water beneath her bare feet, and I was awestruck by her natural beauty.
Bekah and I waded out into the water and we tried to use our fish net hoop to scoop up and capture the fairy. Ilayda seemed annoyed, and she started hacking up fireballs like a cat hacks up a hairball. She threw fireballs at us, but she was awkward with bad aim, and the fireballs fell into the lake, missing us by a mile. The fireballs continued to burn, even in the water, causing the lake to boil, killing all the sharks. It was obviously a mistake to attempt to confine such a fiery free spirit to a small space for study and scrutiny.
Bekah and I used the fish net to scoop up a few boiled sharks, which we took home to eat later. Content with having witnessed a real magical fairy, Bekah and I laid in bed, and I rested my head on her bosom. I could feel her soft heart beating and her breasts were like pillows, a squishy safe haven for me to rest my head upon, and I began to drift off to sleep...
Then I woke up and found that my head was in between two pillows. THE END.