This dream is a cautionary tale about Craigslist creeps, and a cream-colored camera.
Sitting quietly in a photography studio in my mansion, I was pondering what to do with my newfound wealth. It wasn't clear to me how I had suddenly become so wealthy, but I knew I wanted to expand my photography hobby.
So, I decided to shop online for rare cameras. I scoured the web specifically for rare DSLR cameras, and somehow found myself browsing Craigslist. A unique cream-colored camera caught my eye, and the listing mentioned it was valued at over $44,000, but their asking price was only 1% of that. The technical features were unheard of, it had a unique retro design, was available for local pickup, and it was just what I wanted. My frugal ass made a snap decision to buy it, so I contacted the seller.
The seller and I shot a few emails back and forth, and we agreed that I would come to his place of business to get it. During our correspondence, he asked if I had any girlfriends. My gullible dumbass divulged that I had several lovers, and answered his questions regarding their whereabouts. Although I found this odd, I dismissed it, since I really wanted that dreamy, creamy camera.
My mansion sat atop a hill outside of a quaint village. When I stepped outside, there was a stream gushing from my front porch that flowed downhill toward the village. So, I grabbed a kayak and was swept away by the current, which carried me into town. The stream ran through the streets, and I was brought to a creepy, run-down shop.
The shop had motorcycles sitting outside of it that were for sale, and I saw a sign that read "Boy Toys R Us". This was the right place. Sitting on a bench next to the door was an obviously malnourished young brunette woman. She stared at me, seemingly hoping I would engage. Focused on my mission, I ignored her and went inside.
I found the shop to be mostly empty, with only a few electronics and motorcycle memorabilia on the shelves. A sharp-looking man around my age with blonde hair and blue eyes came out from the back room. He had a sinister energy about him, but I ignored it and said that I was there for the cream camera.
He stared me down for a moment, seemingly studying me. Then, he took me into the back room where he presented the camera. It felt right in my hands, and I was impressed with it's features. I decided to buy it on the spot. Having no cash on hand, I had to pay with a card. He didn't have a card reader, so he said he had to use Paypal to conduct the transaction.
He got on an old, vintage computer and tried entering my credit card info. The transaction failed, so we made an agreement that I could come back to pay in cash. The condition was that I had to return before he closed that day, or else he would force me to watch as he raped my lovers since he knew where they were. Having said this in a sinister but calm demeanor, I believed him and said that I'd be right back with cash.
I got back in my kayak, and the stream carried me to a nearby bank. I got cash out of the ATM, and walked back up to the sinister shop. I paid the loser, and walked back up to my home on the hill.
For hours, I experimented with the camera in my studio, taking photos of random objects. Suddenly, I heard a faint knocking on my door. I answered, and it was the young woman I had seen earlier. She said she was hungry, so I fed her blueberry waffles and pineapple. She looked disheveled, so I brushed her hair as she ate.
Once she finished eating, she looked rejuvenated, but seemed nervous and anxious. She said that my lovers were all in danger, that I was being spied on, and that she had to get back to the shop. She left abruptly, and I went back to my creamy camera. When I turned it on, I saw that it had apparently been recording and was transmitting a radio signal.
Infuriated that my privacy had been invaded, I stormed outside, where I saw a couple policemen walking up toward the house. They told me that one of my lovers had been attacked by an intruder and that she was in the hospital recovering.
Knowing that my other lovers were in danger, my anger turned to pure hatred and rage. The beast was about to be released.
Then I woke up... THE END...?