For much of my life I have been one to wander alone. Leading a life of solitude and seeking solace in serenity, I have always been comfortable creating my own companionship, never in need of anyone, free and independent to do as I please. Despite this, I still crave deep connection with the right souls. My distinctive and unconventional nature intimidates and threatens the existence of many, and I can feel it, and I don't care. Their problems are not of any concern to me.
Pondering these things as I sit on my porch, I reflect upon the fact that I am unwelcome in this world. I stare at the barren and dull world around me transforming into a post-apocalyptic hellscape with prevailing winds of turmoil and chaos.
For many years I sat, hopelessly waiting for someone to come along and take a genuine interest. Not one soul has shown up. NOT ONE. I decided that I am done waiting. Should anyone come along now, it would be too late. It would always be too late. I have grown tired of the false hope of waiting for a promise that I knew would never arrive.
Much of the town was defunct and derelict. I left my porch, seeking the right road to take. I came to an intersection that had rusty street signs that read "Lost Lane" and "Hope Road". I looked up and down Lost Lane and found that it seemed to lead nowhere - it quickly dead-ended in either direction.
I continued ahead on Hope Road, reluctant to move forward. I had been down this road several times before, but in the opposite direction, which led nowhere. This time, I would try a new direction.
As I came to the outskirts of town, I found that the road became uneven, full of depressions and cracks with weeds growing. It continued into the distance, and I quickly grew pessimistic about this forlorn path, but I persisted nonetheless.
After a few miles, I came to a cluster of rusty, corroding cars and discarded couches sitting in a meadow. The air was stale and silent, and I could hear a faint moaning and clapping sound coming from the meadow. Curious, I waded through the tall grass toward the couch cluster, where I found it to be a literal clusterfuck of couples fucking on the furniture.
Reminded of how truly alone I really was, my heart stopped for a moment - but only for a moment - when I saw my primary crush getting great pleasure from her partner. Her dirty blonde hair getting pulled by her partner as their bodies clapped together. Her blue eyes made contact with mine, and she smiled and giggled at me. It felt like she was doing this to hurt me, knowing I had been waiting YEARS to be with her, but never got to.
Was this a sick game to manipulate me and make me jealous in order to pursue her? What was the point of it? The answer didn't matter, since it was clear she had made her choice as to who she wanted to love. I respected this, and I moved on in anger and disappointment.
Numb from the years of trauma and tears, I continued on my pointless path up Hope Road, which led to high hills. Here, I could hear howls of wild wolves prowling the woods. It was now dusk, and the darkness was overtaking the world. Among the darkness, I felt more at ease, honing in on hearing my demons converse with me.
I came to a tunnel that went under the hill, and I could see shadowy figures lurking along the grimy tunnel floor. Unable to clearly see them, I stepped over and around the figures. Many of them grabbed and moaned at me, taunting me, stating that I was a predator and guilty for their murky misery and that I shouldn't exist.
Once I emerged from the tunnel, I found that it was now fully dark, and there was a full blood moon low on the horizon. A little ways up, the road abruptly ended at the edge of a cliff. I came to the edge of the cliff where I sat, dangling my feet over the edge. Looking down, I could see jagged rocks a couple hundred feet down.
Sitting for hours, I thought about how old I was getting, having years of my life wasted waiting for love to finally find me, to FINALLY be accepted and understood unconditionally; for companionship to enter my life with a nurturing promise of tomorrow's healing hope. The brutally grim reality is that this hope was never realized, and I knew it never would be.
I threw myself from the edge of the cliff, and I could feel a sense of relief as I accepted that this was the end of the road for me. My body smashed upon the rocks, and I could see my blood splatter and my body break into pieces. I saw myself, destroyed. I knew that no one would ever find me here, broken and all alone at the end of Hope Road.